We need each other in order to heal from sin and hurt.

People come to faith in Jesus Christ broken and damaged. The effect of sin in the world, including Satan's many ways of destruction, injures everyone. But God has designed a healing process through fellowship and community. The Togethers that Heal are five very potent commands for us to help in the process of one another's mending.

The Lord seldom chooses to heal us miraculously. Since obedience during trial is the most powerful way to say, "I love You" to God, He often lets us recover from evil's effect in our lives over a period of time. Very often our recovery requires the help of our Christian brothers and sisters.

For years it has been known to believers and nonbelievers alike that physical and emotional illnesses heal faster when healthy social interaction surrounds the patient. Yet, in our individualistic culture, most people try to heal alone. Christians, in particular, miss the great power of the church when they live so independently and autonomously.

The **group's** power to absorb hurt, to comfort, and to carry burdens is almost limitless. When others confess ugly sins, we feel freer to look deeper within ourselves. And the group's assurance of the faith can combat doubt effectively. These five "Togethers that Heal" are powerful ways God heals through the power of the community of his people.

The TOGETHERS THAT HEAL include:

Hurt with One Another [31]

Comfort One Another [32]

Confess Sins to One Another [33]

Carry One Another’s Burdens [34]

Restore One Another in the Faith [35]

An Example of The Togethers That Heal:

Sally grew up in a very dysfunctional and poverty-stricken home. Her father was an abusive alcoholic. Sally was not doing well a short while ago.

Joe's wife just kicked him out of the house six months ago.

June is very unhappy in her marriage. Both she and her husband Bob are aware that she would just like to get a divorce and find someone else to marry.

These three people who are in a lot of emotional pain go to Calvary Church. Fortunately for them, their pastor and leaders have a serious concern for the "Togethers of Scripture" and for biblical fellowship and small group community. Small group leaders at Calvary meet together every other week for training in how to disciple groups. Last year the training covered "The Togethers that Heal". Therefore, Sally, Joe and June were placed in small group communities where healing could take place. June and Bob were also in another small group as a couple. (In the one, June could freely express her dissatisfaction and receive the healing togethers freely. In the other group, June could practice growing closer to her husband.)

In each of their respective groups these three hurting individuals could see the pain on other faces when they unburdened their hearts with truthful expression of their despair. In silence, in holding their hands, and in expressions of pain, each group hurt with their brother or sister who was facing severe negative feelings and circumstances. Slowly the hurt decreased as it was accepted and absorbed by others. [31]

After some of the pain was shared, various members of each group shared comfort from the Bible and their own experience of God's provision. Sally, Joe and June were often called back to hope. Sally grew tremendously in the strong atmosphere of caring in her small group. By comforting their members, each group helped their wounded brother or sister to regroup and go on with life. [32]

In the safety of the small groups, members of Calvary can freely admit their sins. With everyone else in her small group admitting their sins, Sally eventually shared her awful negative feelings about herself. She explained that she felt she was not as good as others, even though she knew the Bible said clearly that in God's sight she is as worthwhile as any other, especially in Christ.

The same sort of confession of sins occurred in Joe's group. All of a sudden one evening Joe called up one of the group members and confessed all sorts of horrible mistakes he had made with his wife. He and Joe prayed for Joe's forgiveness. Then at the next small group meeting Joe confessed these sins against his wife again and, after prayer, the group gave him suggestions for repentance and reconciliation with his wife. Then group prayer sought the Lord's power for Joe's life. June also admitted her vanity and judgmental nature in her group and received forgiveness from the Lord. [33]

Probably the biggest challenge for the Coordinator of Fellowship and Community at Calvary Church was teaching the small group leaders how to give the work of bearing the consequences of one another's sins to their small groups. The Christians had been living an individualized faith for many years before Calvary saw the importance of community and significant biblical relationships between believers. It certainly wasn't an automatic response to help a person out of the mess he had created. But the three leaders of Sally's, Joe's and June's small groups frequently encouraged all the members to bear burdens for one another.

Sally's group bore the burden of her bitterness and slowly helped her leave her past behind. As for June, a couple of women from her daytime ladies' small group have befriended Bob and taken time to see his good qualities. They meet regularly with June to point out how she might better appreciate Bob. June also sees how others in the group better appreciate Bob's qualities. Her heart is softening.

Joe's small group actually contacted his nonbelieving wife and cleared the way for him to apologize. A husband-wife team from the group went with him when he talked to his wife to keep Joe from digging himself into a deeper hole. Joe's wife could not forget or forgive him, so another woman from the group, one the group thought would be able to more easily relate, began to befriend Joe's wife and help her eventually heal of bitterness. She and Joe were reunited by the group and are struggling to make it together under the group's supervision. (No, Joe's wife is still not a believer. But the group is her friend, and they are praying for her.) [34]

Sometime before he admitted his mistakes in his marriage, Joe came to group and expressed his doubt that there is a God who cares. Everyone in the group understood this tendency to doubt our faith when things are going wrong. Little by little they helped restore Joe's faith by the gentle teaching of scripture and clear admission that they too have pouted and thrown tantrums when God did not give them their way or work out the messes they had put themselves in. By restoring Joe in his faith, the group made the confession of sin possible that eventually led to reconciliation of Joe's marriage. [35]

[31] HURT WITH ONE ANOTHER

John 11:33; Rom 12:15; **1 Cor 12:26**; 2 Cor 1:7; Heb 13:3

Don’t let anyone hurt alone! Support one another through life’s most painful experiences.

Nothing is worse than hurting alone. Christians need to support one another through life's most painful experiences. It is a privilege of the abundant life to feel another's pain and share his or her sadness. Hurting is an unhurried process; we must hurt with another before we begin comforting, cheering up and exhorting from Scripture. Pain and grief have a place in the process of restoration.

God has given us the compassion in community to hurt with one another. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting back to Him his great compassion for us in that He goes through our hurts with us.

Example in Small Group Community

Obedient small group members know that the Lord expects pain to be shared and will want to share it. Most people know when they are hurting with another - some even get a pain in their chests. Comments such as, "I wish so much that you didn't have to go through this," or, "It hurts me to see you hurting so much," indicate sharing pain, hurt and troubles together. Sometimes even mournful silence in the small group is healing for a member's hurt. Then, a short period of prayer is appropriate; several group members telling the Lord of their own empathetic hurt and requesting the Lord's comfort and love for the one in pain.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

There is something very healing in knowing that others in the church are aware of your pain. The look on the faces of your brothers and sisters says that they wish you didn't have to go through the hurt. The obedient church will involve everyone in the distress of its members. This can be done through sensitive congregational prayer and bulletin announcements.

For Small Group Community

Discuss

1. Why does God want us to hurt with one another? (Rom 12:15; 1 Cor 12:26; Heb 13:3)

2. What does it mean to hurt with one another?

Do

1. Tell one another of Christians you know who are hurting. As people are mentioned and their situations described, the group empathizes with them, identifying how they might feel and think.

2. The group should ask to see if any group member is hurting. Then the group should discuss the situation until group members are hurting with the person.

[32] COMFORT ONE ANOTHER

**2 Cor 1:3-5**; 1 Thess 2:12

Soothe life’s deep hurts. Until you have patiently comforted another, don’t offer advice.

Life in a sinful world has its inevitable hurts. Glib answers and quick advice will not do. Christians should deeply comfort one another, especially when no solution is possible or an irreversible loss has occurred. Reminders of God's love and expressions of hope, encouragement and tenderness are just a few of the actions a whole group of believers can take to comfort others who are hurting.

God has given us the privilege of closeness so that in community we can comfort one another. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting back to Him his comforting nature as well as recognizing his omnipresence — that He is always with us and never forsakes us.

Example in Small Group Community

Comforting is best done by those who are closest in relationship to the one hurting. If everyone in a church was in a small group where real life is regularly discussed, then every member would have at least five or six close friends who could minister in very troubled times. Each of us could know that when life became unbearable, we would not be alone. Many comforting words and actions would shelter us in God's love within the small group community.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

It is comforting for those in pain to be with caring believers who are worshiping God and seeking eternal things. It lifts up the one burdened. Especially during bereavement the church service is healing. Taking tape recordings of the church services to shut-ins, hospital patients, and those in mourning brings comfort.

For Small Group Community

Discuss

1. How do you comfort another person?

2. Why is quick advice seldom comforting?

3. What are some of the most comforting passages of Scripture?

Do

1. Tell one another your style of comforting. How would you comfort someone who just lost a good job? How would you comfort someone who just lost a loved one?

2. If anyone is hurting in your group, comfort that person.

[33] CONFESS SINS TO ONE ANOTHER

Acts 19:18-20; **James 5:16**

Tell each other your sins so healing can begin to take place.

Christians are to confess their sins to one another in order to bring healing. Private sin remains hidden and cannot be overcome. Secret sin tends to persist. Confession of sins to one another sets off a process that includes many of the other "Togethers" and leads to change and healing. While confession to God brings forgiveness through the blood of Jesus Christ, confession to brothers and sisters in the faith invites the "hands on" healing that God chooses to do through His people.

Confess only in a group that has proven to be a safe fellowship.

God has given us forgiveness and Christ’s own righteousness that in community we might confess our sins to one another and continue the healing process. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting back to Him his nature to graciously forgive, not judge and heal those who trust in Christ’s substitutionary death. When we confess without being ashamed or driven by guilt, we praise his role as Savior.

Example in Small Group Community

This command of Scripture is best obeyed in a small group community where everyone regularly confesses sin. Individuals will feel free to admit their most grievous mistakes and sins only in a caring small community group. But this deeper admission of sin requires scheduling enough time for sensitive responses by the whole group.

The small group dedicated to putting the Bible into practice will discern from the member's confession what further actions are ordered by Scripture. This will most likely include warning and admonishing, prayer for God's help for repentance, Bible study to discover correct ways of behaving and thinking, encouragement to obey, and a host of other "Togethers." In subsequent meetings, the healthy Christian group will remember to make sure that progress is being made in areas of confessed sin.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

In larger church gatherings, people will find relief in admitting to smaller sins if they find all of these things: understanding acceptance, nonjudgmental and practical advice, and gentle support for repentance. Confessing sin can be done during informal conversation at socials or during more formal times of congregational testimony and prayer. This kind of obedience will be strongly encouraged if the pastor can admit personal sins and struggles as examples in sermons.

For Small Group Community

Discuss

1. Why do you suppose that often Christians, those who have had their sins paid for by Christ’s death on the cross and should be the least defensive and closed about their sins, are in many ways the most defensive, most hesitant to admit their sins, least motivated toward overcoming sins, and most difficult to talk to about their shortcomings, faults and sins?

2. What would make it safe enough to freely confess your sins to this group?

3. How do you become a safe person so people can confess their sins to you?

Do

1. Tell one another how comfortable you are in admitting your own sins to yourself. Explain any discomfort. How much have each of you realized that it is very safe to admit sins to yourself since Christ has already died for them. Counsel one another.

2. Tell one another how comfortable you are in admitting your own sins to your closest friends as well as to this group. Tell why it is easy or difficult.

3. Each group member confess two sins to the group. As each group member does this, the group then pray for each person.

[34] CARRY ONE ANOTHER'S BURDENS

Ps 38:4; Luke 11:46; Gal 5:1; **Gal 6:2**

Help pay the consequences of one another’s sins. Lift the burden of past sin from one another’s shoulders. Fully correct each other’s mistakes. In this way, be very much like Jesus Christ, who paid the penalty.

While Jesus paid the penalty for our sins, Christians are to help carry the burdens of each other's waywardness. Following Christ's example, we are often called upon to help bear the unavoidable consequences of each other's sins. God knows we are sinners and that we alone cannot dig ourselves out of the holes we create. Making up for each other's mistakes should be one of Christianity's most powerful witnesses to an unbelieving world.

God has given us the very great and precious privilege in community to carry one another’s burdens of sin. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting back to Him the closest imitation possible to Christ’s paying the penalty for sin.

Example in Small Group Community

Since there are more consequences to our sins than embarrassment and humiliation, the command to carry one another's burdens can be fully obeyed only in small group community. In the small group where there is full confession of sin, burdens must be shared. There is often a victim of the sin who needs to be dealt with lovingly. There are sometimes bad situations that need to be corrected or damaged relationships which must be restored. One or all of the group members might be needed to reconcile a group member with a spouse, rebuild a neighbor's fence damaged through carelessness, or even pay off a foolish debt.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

Embarrassment and humiliation are some of the consequences of sin. In the larger fellowship, we can bear this humiliation together. This is done with those whose sins have recently come to light by maintaining contact until they are fully accepted back into the fellowship. While more may often be necessary, just walking alongside during the process of repentance is sharing the burden of another's sin.

For Small Group Community

Discuss

1. What do you think of the concept that this command to carry one another’s burdens means to help pay the consequences of one another’s sinfulness?

2. Do you hold to the position, "They got themselves into trouble, they can get themselves out of it!"? But what if they can’t get out of it themselves? Can you then lend a hand?

3. Individual group members think of and mention times when they have helped pay the consequences of another’s sin. How did they feel after they had done it?

Do

1. Group members tell how they feel about asking the group for help when they cannot right one of their "wrongs". The group then works to help everyone to be able to do this.

2. The group finds out who in the group needs the group to bear a burden that has persisted and not gone away or been made right.

[35] RESTORE ONE ANOTHER IN THE FAITH

2 Cor 2:5-11; Gal 6:1-2; 2 Thess 3:6,14-15; **Heb 3:12**

When faith turns to doubt, help one another regain trust in God.

Every Christian fails in his or her faith on a regular basis. When anything threatens another's faith, Christians are to reach out and rescue that individual before his or her faith is seriously damaged.

God has given us power in community to restore one another in the faith. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting back to Him his faithful, restoring nature. He can make all things new and recycle all things for the good of his people. And He is always bringing us back to Himself.

Example in Small Group Community

If the small group can go beyond mechanical kinds of Bible study, real restoration in the Christian faith will occur. The small group should regularly allow open time for group members to tell how life is going and to be accountable for how they live their lives. Pretending no one ever has doubts is not at all helpful. In Bible study, there should be time for discussion of doubts about the study material or the Bible. If such time is allowed, the group will find in-depth restoration of faith occurring.

When doubt is expressed, group members should take time during and outside of the meeting to explain biblical truth, showing acceptance toward the doubter while holding on to certainty that there is an answer. Patience will be required while time, study, and friendship take effect to restore faith.

Faith is most often challenged during times of trial and pain. Many hold to the mistaken belief that the Christian faith assures protection from trials. Instead, the Bible clearly states that our protection is in the midst of danger. The faithful small group will continue to have faith during the trials of its members. Gently, through the group's consistent trust in God, the doubter will return to faith.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

In the larger congregation, it is most likely that only small doubts will be expressed from time to time during socials or between services. Some restoring can be done during these informal times. When small doubts are expressed, faithful Christians will try to answer those doubts and gently exhort and assertively encourage a return to faith and obedience.

For Small Group Community

Discuss

1. What are the many ways that faith can diminish? What are some of the causes?

2. What kinds of things can Christians do to restore one another’s faith?

Do

1. Mention to one another the areas of faith that sometimes slip for you. The group and its members counsel each person after their answer, especially telling how in that very area of faith they are able to remain strong.

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