I am sure that you realize that it is the church, Christians gathered, that is the apple of God's eye. We like to think often about how each of us individually is special to God. But none of us is as cherished by God as is the church, the people of God, the bride of Christ, the army of God, the body of Christ -- the people of that society of God known as the kingdom of heaven. Since the church is so important to God, those things he tells us to do together must be critically important and necessary. Those things include the 65 "Togethers," although there are likely more than that. And let me repeat -- it is not possible to really please God apart from Christian community.

And Christian community cannot exist without small groups that meet and take time for community. This is because it is only in community that the Bible can be more than superficially obeyed. How do you encourage another, one of the commands often repeated in Scripture, alone? You can't. And how do you encourage in a larger group? Only inadequately. No, it takes the closeness and trust within a small group to actually review the assignments God has given to each person and then impart courage.

It's a tough thing to face, but it is only in those churches with rather extensive small groups that an adequate attempt to obey God is truly made. Only through small groups do we get past the programs down to the people, beyond Bible study to Bible obedience, and over and above knowledge to Christlike love. Only in this way is God taken seriously about all those things He has said He wants done. Only in groups that have most of their time set aside for connectedness and personal involvement among members will true community and thus true obedience take place.

Obeying the togethers, those 65 things derived from Scriptures that talk about biblical relationships in Christian groups, is the responsibility of your small group. The "Togethers" cannot be done alone. The people of God must do the "togethers" together. That is why it is your group's job to accomplish obedience to the Togethers commands.

But it is your job and the job of the other members of your small group community to help the group implement the Togethers and be obedient and do those things which God asks. Let me give you some ideas how to be of such help to your group.

TOGETHERS OF RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

As you meet week after week and month after month it is your responsibility to help the group relate to God together. You may need to give up individual autonomy regarding your relationship with God. For example, when you pray, you should usually use the word "we" rather than "I" as in, "We thank You for being with us tonight, Dear Lord." At other times submission to God will be the issue, and the group can use your help in remembering that it (the group, all of you together) must work hard to submit to God and be led by Jesus Christ. Then again, if the group grows inward and doesn't serve others, it is your job to bring this fact up to help the group more fully obey the instruction to serve God together.

ATTITUDINAL TOGETHERS

Individual responsibility may be greatest with the attitudinal togethers. These things which God expects of believers first take root in the mind of the individual. It is your responsibility to look at each one of them and then implement those attitudes from your heart with your group. For example, the attitude of belonging, which should permeate the group, requires that each individual accept the responsibility of belonging to the group, not only in his or her private thoughts but during the actual group meeting. A practical result of this will be to make other people's concerns and problems your own. Rather than wishing that the group would hurry up and get over helping another so that you can get on to your concern, you must work at remembering that the other person's concern is your concern.

With regard to being devoted to one another, it is your responsibility in the group to set yourself aside for the group as well as every member of the group. Obedience in the group requires, therefore, that you not continually operate out of your own needs but that you make yourself available to others. When you are thinking about another's situation, try not to think about your own similar situation because both of you may have a different reaction to the same circumstances. You may end up forcing your own manner upon someone else and thus actually be more devoted to the expression of and selling of your own ideas rather than trying to really be there for the other person.

With regard to acceptance of one another in the small group setting, to be obedient you will need to constantly see when you are taking a judgmental attitude toward another person in the group. It is appropriate to silently ask the Lord for help to move away from that judgmental, negative attitude toward the person. You may need to ask the Lord to help you see the positives or to understand why the person is the way he is.

With regard to bearing with one another during group meetings, you will need to remember that you are not in the group for your own enjoyment and comfort. You are in the group because God asks it of you. Each individual member during group meetings must remember that he or she is meeting with a group of imperfect people who are sinners, will sin during group meetings, and will occasionally hurt feelings. Therefore, the responsibility to overlook those minor sins (to bear with, put up with one another) is a necessity. One way of doing this is to focus on the issue at hand rather than the behavior before you.

It is important that you often involuntarily forgive others without making the other person request such forgiveness. You will need to do this continually. If your feelings get hurt by another group member, or if someone says something which makes you feel judged (whether or not there is actual judging), you can forgive in the manner Jesus did when He prayed, "for they know not what they do". It is true that most people hurt us and do not know that they are doing so.

It is your obedient duty to often let other people have their way in the group for the sake of unity and harmony, as well as because it is commanded that we submit to one another. To be obedient in the group setting requires that you work at being aware of your own needs and how they are affecting your interactions with other people. You can actually be very conscious of your own motivations and activities and evaluate their level of selfishness. Then you can go on to remember that your biggest needs have already been met by Jesus Christ, and usually let others have their way.

Serving one another during the group meeting is actualizing the commands to belong to one another and be devoted to each other. It is your responsibility to have a servant attitude toward the others and the group. This does not mean that you deny your own needs, but it does mean that whenever your needs are not being addressed you are there for the others and actually serve them by giving them advice, praying for them, sharing Scriptures with them, encouraging them, being friendly and open toward them, etc.

TOGETHERS THAT HOLD TOGETHER

As an individual member of the group it is your responsibility not to act like you belong to the world. You are a citizen of heaven, and it is your obedient responsibility to act that way to the full extent that you have adopted biblical values. Biblical values should more and more control your participation in the group. For example, when someone who is hooked into materialism talks about wanting to have a very expensive, luxurious car, you should not say, "Oh, wouldn't it be nice to have such a good car!". Elevating the desire to have such an expensive car with a person who is overly materialistic is not appropriate in the kingdom of heaven.

As an individual member of the group you should do nothing that would interrupt the regularity of group meetings around the group purpose. For example, it would be inappropriate to suggest that you use a meeting time for a social time. Social times interrupt the availability to one another for not only the study of Scripture but, even more critically, for helping one another obey Scripture and face those critical daily problems that require the help of others.

You should do nothing that would break the unity of the group. Your identity is in Christ Jesus, and you should always come to group meetings as a Christian meeting with other Christians. Whenever there is anything that threatens division in the group you should stand against it.

With regard to living together in peace, it is your individual responsibility during group meetings to help resolve any quarrels between members. When individuals in a group disagree, it is usually true that they are merely not understanding one another. Those not involved in the disagreement can summarize the two different people's views and encourage them to allow each other to differ in opinion. You can also help the group establish the agreement that it is okay to disagree. You can explain that arguing is ineffective in solving the disagreement, but understanding different positions and allowing time to work out those disagreements can lead to peaceful resolution.

It is your responsibility to see that the people in the group act humbly toward one another. Whenever someone says something that sounds arrogant you can politely ask for clarification of what he means. Usually when a person has to say something a second time it doesn't sound so arrogant because they are more comfortable saying it after receiving a friendly reception. The repetition will expose their humility. If not, you can continue to ask them questions to see if humility will surface. In the event that it does not, you can then point out that they seem to have taken an attitude that could be mistaken for arrogance or that they are saying that it is not all right for anyone to believe differently than they. Of course, it is your responsibility not to act as a 'knowitall' yourself.

With respect to living together in harmony, you need to help each person in the group do what is their part in the discussions and activities of the group. Helping each other utilize their strengths for the benefit of the group is an important service to the group. All of the things mentioned earlier about working as a team apply here. Think of the small group as an orchestra with each person having an important part to play skillfully for the Lord.

TOGETHERS THAT STRENGTHEN

It is important that during group meetings you do those things which will build others up and do nothing which will tear them down or make them feel worthless. Even when correcting someone, you are attempting to reconcile them with God and build them into a stronger Christian. Therefore it is important that you have a friendly attitude toward others, and that you treat everyone as important as everyone else. You should assertively look for opportunities to share your possessions with others, since that communicates that you love them deeply in spite of the materialistic society.

You can always attempt to be truthful, helpful and encouraging toward one another. Try not to pass up any opportunity to honor another person for an accomplishment even if that is merely a brilliant statement during the group meeting. Attempt to recommend someone who has been helpful to others of the group. Continually suggest to others things that they can do out of love.

TOGETHERS THAT HEAL

Sin has taken it's toll, and it is each group member's responsibility to do whatever he or she can in small group community to heal one another from sin's ravaging effects. Therefore, it is your responsibility to hurt with the others in your group where the damage done by the evil one has negatively affected their life. After hurting together, it is your responsibility to comfort, not only during the group meeting but during the time between meetings.

In order to speed up the process of confessing sins to one another, you need to be as open about your own shortcomings and sinfulness as possible. And as soon as possible you should confess a somewhat serious sin and ask for the group's prayer support and counsel. It is allimportant that you not act as if you live a totally victorious Christian life. It is doubtful that you are that much like Jesus Christ to be able to claim such total victory. For sure, you should talk about those times when you have been victorious, but there is always room for improvement. Humility requires that you not make others feel bad in admitting their sin because you cannot admit your own. In many ways it is easier to bear the consequences of another person's sin than your own. Unfortunately, we Christians often don't like to bear the consequences of anybody's sin, including our own. But it is commanded, and therefore your responsibility, to help people out of the predicaments their sin has created. In turn, the other individual members should do whatever they can to help you overcome problems associated with your own sinfulness. For example, you might volunteer to go talk to someone's motherinlaw on their behalf after that relationship has broken down because of the mistakes of your fellow group member.

It is your responsibility to help restore people whenever they go backwards in their faith. Seeing the discouragement, you should take the extra time necessary to help that person get back on track. In the group meeting, this means pointing out that someone needs to be restored. Outside the group meeting, you might need to spend time phoning the person or taking them out to lunch or for a walk in order to talk through their doubts. As a reminder, it is good not to consider yourself immune from doubts and falling away from the faith. If the Apostle Peter could deny Christ after all the love and miracles he had personally experienced with the Lord, then you and I can certainly fall. Therefore, a humble attitude while restoring another in his faith is merely being in touch with reality.

TOGETHERS OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH

It is your responsibility to help others grow more and more into the likeness of Jesus Christ. The spiritual growth of each member is the group's concern. It is your responsibility to help the group see that everyone grows spiritually.

During group meetings it is important for you to help the group seek 'kingdom values' not only for yourself and all the other individual members, but also for the life of the group. It is the responsibility of each group member, as far as they are able, to have a, "Let's do it right, the way the Lord wants it!" attitude.

Our society instills in us a rule to mind our own business to prevent harmful gossiping. The small group can help assure against gossip. If what is going on in members' lives is only the group's business (not privately the individual's business), then righteous examination of each other's faith is possible.

You should be interested in the faith of other group members, but only in the safe context of the group and its purposes. During a group meeting, or elsewhere for the purpose of bringing it to the group, it is appropriate to ask, "I'm interested in how you're doing with the Lord. How are you growing in your faith?"

Examination of one another's faith happens less painfully and more naturally when people seek advice for themselves after confessing sin. For example, a member might confess that he is not certain about the Lord's faithfulness to him. Then he can ask to know how the group members see the Lord's faithfulness to them. In so doing, the group can easily examine one another's faith.

It is the group's responsibility to see that people are taught and counseled regarding their faith. The variety of group discussions should lead to knowledge about one another's faith. When the group starts its meeting, you may occasionally need to suggest that the night's agenda include helping someone with some struggle of faith mentioned in past meetings. You might say something like, "I would like to see us help Joe this week or next with the problem he has of trusting God in his work situation." Over the long haul you might help the group train (disciple) Joe, possibly by giving him a chance to role play a work conversation during the group meeting.

It is worldly to let everyone take the heat for their own actions. On the other hand, it is a privilege of God's kingdom to face trouble and discipline together. Much of the difficulty of life comes from the curse God laid upon the land as a result of Adam's sin. While we all deserve equal consequences of that curse, at times the effects are greater on others than on ourselves. It is your responsibility to walk with a person through the discipline and judgment of God and not expect them to be able to do it by themselves.

There will be times when individuals in your group will face the judgment of God for some specific waywardness and sinfulness of their own. This will occur especially if your group exists over a few years. Here again an arrogant and selfrighteous attitude is hardly appropriate. Standing and pointing the finger at another member of the kingdom was never done by Jesus Christ. Likewise, we do not have the privilege! Instead we should face that judgment with one another. Much effort should be spent by the group to try to help the other over the sinful attitudes and actions which have brought about God's discipline.

TOGETHERS OF INVOLVEMENT IN THE WORLD

Unfortunately there are few models for involvement of the small Christian group in the world. It is obvious that there is much need for the involvement of Christians in community service. However, almost all of that involvement is on an individual basis. Imagine the power of your small group getting involved as a cohesive unit in bettering some aspect of your community.

It is your job as an individual member to remind the group of it's responsibility. Until your small group has in fact become quite involved in the world together, you have insistent work to do.

TOGETHERS OF EVANGELISM

In helping your group remember to pray for missionaries, each individual member can adopt a missionary to bring up occasionally for prayer during group meetings. Whenever one member brings up one of the Lord's servants for prayer, it will be a reminder to others to be in contact with their missionary and be prepared to bring up items for prayer at subsequent meetings.

As with involvement in the world, your responsibilities are similar when it comes to proclaiming the gospel together as a group. Often such proclamation can go handinhand with community service, since as a group you would be mingling with many nonChristians. However, you could also do many other things which would allow the group to proclaim the good news of Christ together. For example, your group could have a picnic for the group and every relative that you can get to attend. In such a way nonChristian relatives would be exposed to many of your Christian friends who could tell them the good news of Christ's death on the cross.

TOGETHERS OF BATTLE

It is best to remember that the fortresses of evil are best assaulted by the whole group. When you have to face evil alone, it sure is a good idea to come back to the group for at least prayer support, if not personal involvement of one or more of the members. Actually, it is your responsibility to bring others into the fray against the evil that assaults you.

We know the strategy of Satan is to attack individuals who are alone. Since it is both the church's privilege and duty to attack the very gates of hell, you should not desire to hide yourself from evil, but instead to go with others to attack on whatever battleground a particular evil is festering.

As a squad in the Lord's army your small group can do its part in the Big One, the spiritual war between God and Satan. Whether this is taking on a small part of a larger piece of warfare adopted by your church, or your small group picking out its own target, your individual participation while with the fighting group is critical. As in real war it is cowardly to overly protect yourself and expose others to danger. You are definitely to join in the fray of any spiritual threat.

When you see another person in potential danger, it is your job to warn them whether or not you feel they will accept your warning graciously. When one of your Christian friends in community is battling temptation, you need to adopt the battle as your own. How, for example, are they to succeed when they see you fall to the very same temptation? It is your responsibility to discern where your own privilege, sinfulness or weakness will hinder another person's growth in Christ or fight against evil.

Christians must break society's rule about minding your own business and test spirits together. When someone in your group announces a plan or something they are considering, it is your responsibility not to sit back and mind your own business. You are to verbally consider what they are deciding and search your mind for the knowledge of Scripture that applies. If you believe that the spirit of God is leading, it is your duty to express that opinion. If you believe that it is the spirit of evil which is urging the person in that direction, it is also your responsibility to communicate that. It is also your responsibility to see that all of the others participate in this testing of the spirits.

Only occasionally will someone actually become kneedeep in evil themselves. But it is the responsibility of the group to rescue and restore them when they do face such calamity. It is your responsibility to help in the rescue, no matter how intimidating the task may appear. For example, if one group member is having an affair with someone other than his or her spouse, it is your responsibility to help restore that person to fidelity as well as to help the offended spouse to forgive. Try to remember that war is scary and therefore fighting is not meant to be comfortable.

TOGETHERS OF PERSEVERANCE

Without perseverance the war cannot be consistently fought. Since we live on a wartorn planet, a place of showdown between God and Satan where it is our duty to fight evil, perseverance is an important thing for the church and your small group. It deserves your careful attention!

Therefore, it is your duty to never stop praying for the members of your small group. Pray that they will run the race faithfully to the end and hold to the truth of Scripture. Pray that they will be faithful to Jesus Christ. It is also your responsibility to suggest from time to time that the group pray for a member of the group. And you should help make sure that the group prays fervently for each member at least once a month.

With respect to holding to the truth together and running the full race, it is important for you not to give up when others of your small group have tired and stopped for some reason or another. Later when you feel discouraged, they will remain firm. Living together as Christians under God's guidance is not easy. There will be many difficult problems, but the group must persevere. It will do so as long as individual members not give up. Therefore it is your responsibility to see when other members of the group are losing their hope. Then you can express your hope for them, as well as share Scriptures which promise hope.

Important to perseverance is the ability to face hardships in this life. God has not promised an easy life, and we should not expect it. Rather, we should expect difficulty. Therefore you can help your group persevere by developing an attitude that trouble is not necessarily bad (see Job 2:10), and that it can be faced together. Much spiritual growth will occur from group members facing things together.

Alone you should struggle with your own addiction to comfort, safety and pleasure. Even though you may have won that battle in your private life, you will face challenge in the group when another needs something from you which will cause you to lose comfort, safety or pleasure. In the group, try to be as obedient as you can, fully leaning on the Lord's strength.